Today at Journey we talked about our relationships with others. Recently I picked up a copy of a book recommended to me by one of my mentors. I have never read anything by Joseph Myers, but I thought anyone with a name like Joe can't be all that bad right?

In this thought provoking book Myers challenges us to consider thinking of our relationships in reference to 4 spaces. There is the public space which is 12 feet or greater, the social space which happens in settings from 4 to 12 feet, there is the personal space which takes place in 18 inches to 4 feet, and finally the intimate space that is within 18 inches of ourselves.

His point is that we all have relationships with people inside of these spaces at work, home, in the hood, and with our spouse or friends. Obviously the feet and inches are not hard and fast, but the concept is very helpful.

Here are a few learnings from the book that I found helpful. If it interests you maybe you should pick it up and read it.

Connecting in all 4 spaces:
"The secret is to see all connections as significant. All of these spaces are important, real, and authentic in people's lives. We need to validate what people themselves count as valid. When we validate the space where they are, we greatly increase our ability to bring help to their lives." pg 63

Trading Spaces:
"It is important to recognize that no relationship survives in one space for the entire life of the relationship. We move among the four spaces throughout the life of all relationships. Many times we do so unconsciously and without effort." pg 89

Belonging Can't Be "Processed":
"The four relational spaces are not a process for grouping healthy connections. Healthy community comes when we hold harmony among spaces. Likewise, a congregation is healthy when it promotes significant belonging in all four spaces and help people grow in each space. Assembly line processing through the space in not healthy."